Psychological Laws
February 7, 2011 | Filed Under Small Talk | 2 Comments
I’ve discovered, lately, that there are certain psychological laws which we may try to overcome, but where we do so at our own peril. Where peril ends up being psychological torment.
Humans are quite well-adapted at maintaining cognitive dissonance, so that’s not quite what I’m getting at.
Rather, it’s something like trying to hold a belief while not accepting the consequence of that belief, and being the sort of person who can’t ignore the consequence (it crawls and creeps under the skin of your conscience).
But even that isn’t quite it.
It’s more like this: it’s the teenage boy who, with fear and trembling, accepts the “let’s just be friends” (LJBF) offer from his childhood crush. And despite putting his entire being into the LJBF concept, simply can’t JBF. It’s an impossibility. He can’t acheive it. Despite giving his best shot.
I was kidnapped by God
February 7, 2011 | Filed Under Small Talk | Leave a Comment
“I was kidnapped by God. Sounds funny, but I’m absolutely serious. When I was in high school I thought I would go to Wall Street, make millions, and retire by thirty-five. Then I took a trip around the world in 1993. I was twenty-one. I visited developing countries for the fist time: Indonesia, Laos, Vietnam, Burma, Nepal, to name a few. I saw real poverty. It contextualized the sixteen years of Catholic school teachings I had received, including a B.S. from St. Joseph’s University. I now understood who Jesus was fighting for.”
- Jim
Sometimes I wish God would kidnap me and show me how to really do this thing.
Facing Limitations & Powerlessness
February 7, 2011 | Filed Under Small Talk | Leave a Comment
Over the last few years, I’ve encountered a handful of situations that have left me feeling helpless. No good solutions.
As a person who is used to solving complex problems with his mind, it has been tough to come face to face with unsolvable problems.
In this universe, it seems, sometimes you just have to let go. Even of people you love. Especially of people you love.
Turn around.
Go back.
Start fresh.
The Monogamy Question
January 31, 2011 | Filed Under Small Talk | Leave a Comment
Ever since posting on the question of whether humans are naturally monogamous, I’ve gotten a flurry of search queries coming into the site, all variations on the same question. Seems to be a hot topic that many people wonder about.
Based on the questions I see coming in via google searches, I’ve come to the conclusion that most people are wondering whether monogamy is easy and convenient. Or whether monogamy means not being attracted to other people… at all. And some people are just wondering whether it’s even possible.
There is no simple answer to the monogamy question.
Human beings certainly are capable of being monogamous. Is it the norm? Well, this depends, to a large degree, on social norms and cultural practices. In the modern West, I’d suggest that long-term monogamy is no longer the norm. It is still practiced by certain folks who are able to perceive the potential of long-term happiness through a thick fog of short-term seductions.
The best answer to the monogamy question is this: monogamy is possible for human beings to achieve. But it is not guaranteed. And it is not convenient or easy like taking a pill.
What most people are wondering when they ask the monogamy is whether they are capable of being monogamous. Most people, I think, find comfort in knowing that they are not alone in being attracted to multiple people (even at the same time, not necessarily in series). But the fact that you might be attracted to multiple people throughout your life does not mean that you are not and can not be monogamous.
Long-term monogamy is really a choice. And it’s one that is loaded with risk (as you have no way of guaranteeing that your partner will remain loyal). But it’s a risky choice that any human being is capable of making, and that many human beings are glad they made.
The happiest people I’ve ever known are the ones who made the choice to be monogamous, to share a history and to grow old together.
Operatio sequitur esse
January 27, 2011 | Filed Under Small Talk | Leave a Comment
Action follows being.
(And I’d add that being follows image)
but we would be hollow
January 27, 2011 | Filed Under Small Talk | Leave a Comment
Passion, it lies in all of us, sleeping…waiting…and though unwanted…unbidden…it will stir…open its jaws and howl. It speaks to us…guides us…passion rules us all, and we obey. What other choice do we have? Passion is the source of our finest moments. The joy of love…the clarity of hatred…and the ecstasy of grief. It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passion maybe we’d know some kind of peace…but we would be hollow…empty rooms shuttered and dank. Without passion we’d be truly dead.
~Joss Whedon
Women really are superior to men
January 24, 2011 | Filed Under Small Talk | Leave a Comment
Women really are superior to men – at being women. And men are really superior to women – at being men.
- Peter Kreeft, Back To Virtue
What Every Guy Wants From A Woman
January 23, 2011 | Filed Under Small Talk | Leave a Comment
Admiration and respect.
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For most men, those are the two most priceless gifts that a woman can offer. I mean, yeah, there’s the sex too. But that’s secondary: great sex will almost always flow effortlessly from admiration and respect.
Now, because of biomechanics, what guys need to know is that a woman can’t just turn on the admiration and respect buttons. They can’t flick that switch. You’ve got to live a life that the woman can admire and respect.
Admiration and respect are built. They are earned.
Now… that’s not the whole story. Some women are just socially conditioned to see the worst in men. As a guy, your very first task is to filter out women who are incapable of admiring or respecting the worthy men in their lives. In this misandristic society, that’s the number one task when looking for long term relationship material.
In other words, for a man to be happy you need two things:
1) to deserve admiration and respect
2) a woman who is eager to admire and respect things worth admiring and respecting
Kids Lie Every 90 Minutes
January 19, 2011 | Filed Under Small Talk | Leave a Comment
Looks like lying plays a developmental role in understanding and interacting with others. A natural part of growing up.
Conforming To An Image
January 18, 2011 | Filed Under Small Talk | Leave a Comment
Paraphrasing my good friend Jeremy:
Everyone is conforming themselves to some image, such that, in a sense, image really is everything.
That’s why it’s so important that we choose our environments wisely.
We become the books we read, the people we spend time with, the media we consume, etc.
It’s why we need role models so badly. To know how to live.
