I’m choosing you as my family
February 10, 2010 | Filed Under Small Talk | Leave a Comment
Jessica Alba on marriage and how it’s not about soul mates or princesses or magic – just making a choice – the choice to become family with a person who once was not:
‘The way they market marriage – even as a kid through Disney movies – is that it’s all about Prince Charming sweeping you off your feet.
‘There’s this mentality that you need the big dress and the big day – the day every girl gets to be a princess. I didn’t agree with any of that.
‘I chose to get married because, essentially, you’re given a deck of cards in life… the one person you can choose to bring into your life as your family and to have that unconditional love with is your husband or wife.
‘I’m choosing you as my family, and we’re going to love each other through thick and thin.’
Scrambled Banana & Egg Breakfast
January 18, 2010 | Filed Under Small Talk | Leave a Comment
This morning I invented my new favorite breakfast. It’s ultra healthy but also so tasty it almost eats like a rich desert.
Ingredients:
3 medium eggs
1 banana
1 handful of shredded mozzarella cheese
a little organic whole milk (i fudged this one, don’t know how much)
Directions:
Chop up banana. Add eggs, milk and cheese. Scramble together.
By my count, this gets you about 30g of protein, 30g of healthy fats and 18g natural carbs. Or something close to 462 calories. A really solid balance of macronutrients to start the day.
If you’re going to be a badass…
December 14, 2009 | Filed Under Small Talk | Leave a Comment
… do it right. And be ready to man up.
For an example of how not to act on principle, listen to this. I feel bad for the guy. He wanted to be a badass and fell flat on his face.
After pleading for his girlfriend to stay, despite a million signs that she despised him, the guy goes one step further saying:
I could stand up to her if that’s what she wanted.
Classic FAIL.
The road less paved … with inane security …
December 11, 2009 | Filed Under Small Talk | Leave a Comment
“I wanted movement and not a calm course of existence. I wanted excitement and danger and the chance to sacrifice myself for my love. I felt myself in a superabundance of energy which found no outlet in our quiet life.”
–Leo Tolstoy, in “Family Happiness”
Bob Dylan Is a Man
December 11, 2009 | Filed Under Small Talk | 4 Comments
I’ve been spending a lot of time lately thinking about (and trying to embody) real, cowboy style, confident manhood. It’s an art that’s lost on our society.
In my view, being a man requires: honor, truthfulness, self-deprecating humor, strength, confidence, self-reliance, dependence on God, standing up for what’s good, bucking convention when convention is wrong, love of nature, a commitment to justice, an appreciation of duty, willingness to take responsibility, ability to make tough decisions, seeing life as an adventure, grabbing the bull by the horns, protecting the family at all costs, doing things that provide for the family, the ability to stare fear in the face and say “get the f*ck out of the way, Satan”, a sincere desire to do what is right: to forsake convention when it is clearly wrong.
I think that many of these things are deeply situated in our being as human males – and many of these propensities are so fundamental that they are preserved in our biology.
Unfortunately, these innate features of men are subdued by a society that worships convention, convenience and conformity to very boring and dull lifestyles. The brilliant dystopian film Fight Club illustrates exactly the sort of effect that modern society has on the soul’s of men. It’s not an overstatement to suggest that many man are living lives as caged animals – fenced in by the conventions of wide-scale, emasculated social structures – without much opportunity to express their true natures – the deepest desires of their heart. Want an answer as to why professional sports are so popular? Or video games? Because they serve as a way to live vicariously the lives that men wish they could live in real life – heroic, adventurous, conquering.
Thankfully, there are a few heroes out there that we can still look to for inspiration, whether in attitude or achievement. In fact, probably not just a few. Just a few that still have the spotlight shining on them. I hope to point them out on my blog from time to time. To honor them. To look up to them. To recognize their virtues.
Today, because I was reading some of his interviews, I’m recognizing Bob Dylan. There really isn’t any explanation needed here, other than to say: look at the confidence with which he responds to the questions he gets asked in the interviews he conducts. Unashamed, unflappable confidence. There is very little qualification. Very little backtracking. He’s not ashamed to point out bullshit when he sees it. He doesn’t feel compelled to defend himself against silly attitudes. And the guy doesn’t take himself too seriously. He saves his seriousness for the things that matter, like truth, justice and God.
http://www.bobdylan.com/#/cith-conversation
Question: The Chicago Tribune felt this record needed more irreverence. Doesn’t that miss the point?
Answer: Well sure it does, that’s an irresponsible statement anyway. Isn’t there enough irreverence in the world? Who would need more? Especially at Christmas time.
Every child…
December 4, 2009 | Filed Under Small Talk | 2 Comments
Every child should have mud pies, grasshoppers, water-bugs, tadpoles, frogs, and mud-turtles, elderberries, wild strawberries, acorns, chestnuts, trees to climb, brooks to wade in, water-lillies, woodchucks, bats, bees, butterflies, various animals to pet, hayfields, pine-cones, rocks to roll, sand, snakes, huckleberries, and hornets; and any child who has been deprived of these has been deprived of the best part of his education.
–Luther Burbank
Fools Enough We Are
December 4, 2009 | Filed Under Small Talk | Leave a Comment
If we are fools enough to remain at the mercy of the people who want to sell us happiness, it will be impossible for us ever to be content with anything. How would they profit if we became content? We would no longer need their new product. The last thing the salesman wants is for the buyer to become content. You are of no use in our affluent society unless you are always just about to grasp what you never have.
- Thomas Merton
So fragile, these beliefs of ours…
December 3, 2009 | Filed Under Small Talk | Leave a Comment
“I know that most men, including those at ease with problems of the greatest complexity, can seldom accept even the simplest and most obvious truth if it be such as would oblige them to admit the falsity of conclusions which they have delighted in explaining to colleagues, which they have proudly taught to others, and which they have woven, thread by thread, into the fabric of their lives.”
–Leo Tolstoy
Most people who know me don’t know that for all intents and purposes I was an atheist from the ages of 24 to 27. I really didn’t tell anyone because I wasn’t completely sure what I believed and it changed (and continues to change) from day to day. During that phase, I’m sure there were days when I did indeed believe in God. But those days were rare. My general attitude was simple:
sure, I’d like the Christian story to be true because really I think it is the most hopeful and compelling cosmology ever told… but i’m enlightened now. it’s too simplistic. too medieval. too dependent on the community of men. as a category of people… well they just royally f*ck up too much. including me. so screw it. i’m done.
It’s really tough being an intellectual person in this current mental environment that we live in. And it’s damn easy to get angry at God for everything and anything in this crazy, absurd world. A world full of selfishness, power struggle, dishonesty, infidelity, death, injustice, etc. A world in which nothing noble and pure remains. And in the process of blaming God for this mess, it’s easy to slip into the conclusion that really, that God – the one I’m angry at – doesn’t exist.
You know what. Facing reality one day, it occurred to me how fragile our mental states are. There struck deep in my soul the idea that the entire cultural and social edifice upon which my belief system is built is royally f*cked up. There are so many delusional fantasies that our society buys into which are far, far more absurd, ridiculous and dangerous than the narrative of a personal God who made the world and loves its creatures.
Coming to terms with the fragility of our common beliefs and the structures upon which they are built caused me to question the deep cynicism and skepticism with which I had been looking upon the world. It reminded me that the greatest things I have known in this life have been the things of God, His Son and The Holy Spirit. It reminded me that I’m a creature – that I was brought into this world. It reminded me of how wonderfully natural it is to be thankful. The Breath of Life came upon me – continues to come upon me. So long as I am willing; I am being made into something beautiful.
Forget the narrative of a self-worshiping culture. It’s blinding death.
My broken chips are all in with signposts of glory and greatness and a perfect joy.
There’s always someone better…
December 1, 2009 | Filed Under Small Talk | Leave a Comment
Continuing on the theme of “the absurdity of being special” … how do we teach our kids that they are valuable without having to be the absolute best. Further, how do we teach our kids to try to be their best, without requiring them to be the best?
Well, I think we can start with the truth. There’s always going to be someone better. Someone smarter. Someone more physically fit. Always.
I think kids need to be loved. They don’t need to be puffed up. The “you’re special” thing is laziness, IMHO. It’s convenience. So please, let’s sacrifice this “self-esteem” stuff at the altar of the god of convenience (maybe we can kill that god while we’re at it too).
I think there are three keys to walking this tightrope:
1) Unconditional love that satisfies the esteem
2) Truth: let’s lose the illusion that your value depends on your being special
3) Guidance: do the hard work of modeling the great attributes of humanity
Easier said than done, I know. But I’d rather give this method a shot – at least it’s built upon the truth – then puff my kids up with lies and magical conceptions of themselves. It’s better that they learn early on that they are loved not because they are special (or because they have some special magical powers), but just because they are. From there, it’s my responsibility to teach them that the great things in life don’t come easily. If they want to reach their fullest potential, it’s not going to happen because they are special, but because they dig in, grab the bull by the horns, and take on the adventure of life, enabled by the support of family and friends.
The Absurdity of Being Special
December 1, 2009 | Filed Under Small Talk | Leave a Comment
Conventional wisdom has it that we’ve got to teach our children that they are special (for the sake of self esteem or something like that). That a person’s value resides in his or her uniqueness. I think conventional wisdom is just plain wrong on this one.
If the number one message we send to our kids is that they are valuable because they are special, aren’t they going to be inclined to maintain this illusion through various perversions of their personalities? Aren’t they likely to hide their normal humanity? Aren’t they going to try to artificially preserve an aura of mystique? Become secretive? Aren’t they going to make the perpetually propagated, stupid mistake of thinking that they’ll be immune to the problems of humanity (i.e. if I find “the one” then my marriage is going to be immune, because then special meets special, and well, you know that’s gotta be special too).
Value, is properly located in an awareness of one’s humanity. Once you know that, you can live your life with the aim of being as fully human as possible.
How human are you? Sure, I know that in today’s world there is no consensus on the human Form (as Plato would have it). But really, we all know the qualities of great human beings when we see them. They are strong, compassionate, persistent, forgiving, in control of their emotions, adventurous, committed to truth and honesty, etc. The problem, I guess, is that we don’t see these kind of people enough. But we’ve heard rumors that they exist… and that excites something deep inside our souls…
You are valuable because you are a human being. You have dignity. Now get on with the business of being the best human being you can be. Forsake selfishness and personal indulgence. Pursue the deep, profound happiness that comes from community and family.
Being. Human. That’s what our role is in this life. That’s what gives us value.
Our sense of value gets perverted when we lose sight of our humanity and live as though we are some mystical being, or some superhuman freak of nature, or God himself. When we think our value is wrapped up in our ability to save the world.