Some kids get it

March 17, 2012 | Filed Under Laughter, Relationships | Leave a Comment 

and some don’t.

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, “What does love mean?” The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think:

“When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn’t bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That’s love.” Rebecca – age 8

This is a well-earned love between two people with a deep, rich history. Not the love you should be demonstrating at the beginning of a romance. But definitely valuable in its own right. Just don’t confuse the two.

When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You know that your name is safe in their mouth.” Billy – age 4

There’s insight here. Just be aware of the anomalies: Your dad might say your name differently… in a very stern tone. Your girlfriend might say your name differently and just be having a bad day. Love is dynamic and cyclic. But it’s 100% true that you know when someone care about you.

“Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.” Karl – age 5

Smell is a powerful display of social value. And of all the senses, olfactory is the most closely tied to memory.

“Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.” Chrissy – age 6

Nah, life doesn’t work that way. Social transactions need to be fair or else the relationship collapses.

“Love is what makes you smile when you’re tired.” Terri – age 4

You know, sometimes I’m burnt out and the thought of seeing my boys, and just getting a quick hug brings a huge anticipatory smile to my face.

Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.” Danny – age 7

Danny, Danny, Danny… your mommy is taking a sip before giving it to him because she needs a quick caffeine fix. But, it is a very nice thing she is doing anyway.

“Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss” Emily – age 8

Mostly true! The only thing to be careful of is suffocation. Sometimes it’s healthier to give each other space. The thing is, kissing frequently is an indicator of frequent sex and frequent sex is a key to long term love between partners. And yes Emily, I too hate seeing other people doing PDA.

“Love is what’s in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen,” Bobby – age 7

Sentimental and often untrue.

“If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,” Nikka – age 6
Ummmmm… Depends on the kind of love you’re trying to practice. Christian love, yes. But there’s no reason to beat yourself up about the fact that you don’t like or love everyone. There are reasons for that and it’s better to embrace who you are.

“There are two kinds of love. Our love. God’s love. But God makes both kinds of them.” Jenny – age 8

Too metaphysical for me.

“Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.” Noelle – age 7

I pity the boy who ends up with this girl.

“Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.” Tommy – age 6

The love between two old people should not be the ideal of love between two young people. This is such a common, fatal mistake. Two old people who’ve made it through life together deserve the rewards of a long history together. The young people need to earn their keep before aspiring towards such ideals. The key to lasting this long is to put in the work, choose to remain attractive to each other, and maybe one day, against all odds… you’ll be old and retired and sitting on a porch in the morning, watching the sunrise while you sip your morning coffee with the person you’ve shared most of your adventures with.

“During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn’t scared anymore,” Cindy – age 8

Hell yeah Cindy! Great dad and great daughter.

“My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don’t see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.” Clare – age 6

Clare, this is sloppy thinking.

“Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.” Elaine -age 5

If it’s a genuine display of affection and admiration. If it’s an attempt to “chalk one up” then it can be manipulative.

“Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.” Chris – age 7

Only if it’s true. Otherwise it’s pandering. The good news is that Chris’ dad is indeed probably more attractive than Robert Redford who is very non-handsome these days..

“Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.” Mary Ann – age 4

There is something special about the unconditional love of a dog. Can brighten a day, and make a hardened man smile.

“I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.” Lauren – age 4

Hahahahaha. Hilarious.

“When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.” Karen – age 7

This is a profound insight by a 7 year old. And it’s 100% true. Physiological truth. Well, not the stars part… but that’s metaphor for “twinkle eyes”

“Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn’t think it’s gross.” Mark – age 6

She tolerates it. I bet it’s not attractive to her though. Part of living together… comfort almost always comes before attraction.

“You really shouldn’t say ‘I love you’ unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget,” Jessica – age 8

I think the first part is true. The 2nd part less so. The more you say it, the less impact it has. You’ve got to pace the “I love you’s” just like everything else in relationships.



All I can say is…

March 7, 2012 | Filed Under Laughter | Leave a Comment 

enjoy the f*cking circus.



The Great Emotional Pivot

February 8, 2012 | Filed Under Laughter, Relationships | Leave a Comment 



Lick Your iPad

February 7, 2012 | Filed Under Laughter | Leave a Comment 

This is one of the funniest things I’ve seen in a long time.



On the dangers of moralizing

January 22, 2012 | Filed Under Laughter | Leave a Comment 

So there have been prohibition movements against coffee?!?! Mind boggling.

Why have so many people throughout history gained a feeling of purpose by forcing their personal moral structure onto their neighbors, often fighting against the simple joys of life?



Man Rules

September 29, 2011 | Filed Under Laughter | Leave a Comment 

This piece of humor is spot on.

1. Men are NOT mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.



Bizzare: Wife sues for lack of sex

September 6, 2011 | Filed Under Laughter | Leave a Comment 

Read about it here.

A couple comments.

First, I hope that this French judge (and those who look to this case for precedent) is capable of applying symmetry under the law. Namely, I hope that this is not a gender biased decision.

Second, this ruling is opening a can of worms. It’s always going to come down to a he-said, she-said war of words. There’s a reason that adultery was decriminalized in the West. Because adultery is nearly impossible to enforce under the law.

In a grand cosmic sense, I find this ruling quite humorous. I’m all for expecting frequent sex in a long term relationship. In fact, I think lack of sex is sufficient reason to end a long term relationship, ceteris paribus. But this woman is an independent, responsible adult. She was perfectly capable of enforcing her own privileges (by leaving the marriage).

She’s not a child. The court here is treating her like a child.



I needed this

July 22, 2011 | Filed Under Laughter | Leave a Comment 

Check it out: 15 most popular dyac texts of all time

Haven’t laughed this hard in a long time.



Keeping It Real Larry, Keeping it Real

July 20, 2011 | Filed Under Laughter | Leave a Comment 

Curb is one of my all time favorite comedies. Raw comedic honesty. Here’s Larry David in a recent interview with Rolling Stone.

[Larry] David disagrees with Howard Stern, who found it shallow to date women who were attracted to his fame: “Why else would somebody approach me? Who’s going up to a bald guy, an old bald guy? Nobody! If I wasn’t on television, who’s coming up to me? People would run from me, are you kidding? If I tried to flirt with a woman and she didn’t know who I was, she would run away.” He pauses. “And who’s not shallow, by the way?”



How to discover that you don’t need a cell phone

July 19, 2011 | Filed Under Laughter | Leave a Comment 

Simply go on a vacation, lose the cell phone accidentally, only to be pleasantly surprised over the subsequent weeks that you aren’t missing much.



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