There’s always someone better…

December 1, 2009 | Filed Under Small Talk 

Continuing on the theme of “the absurdity of being special” … how do we teach our kids that they are valuable without having to be the absolute best. Further, how do we teach our kids to try to be their best, without requiring them to be the best?

Well, I think we can start with the truth. There’s always going to be someone better. Someone smarter. Someone more physically fit. Always.

I think kids need to be loved. They don’t need to be puffed up. The “you’re special” thing is laziness, IMHO. It’s convenience. So please, let’s sacrifice this “self-esteem” stuff at the altar of the god of convenience (maybe we can kill that god while we’re at it too).

I think there are three keys to walking this tightrope:

1) Unconditional love that satisfies the esteem
2) Truth: let’s lose the illusion that your value depends on your being special
3) Guidance: do the hard work of modeling the great attributes of humanity

Easier said than done, I know. But I’d rather give this method a shot – at least it’s built upon the truth – then puff my kids up with lies and magical conceptions of themselves. It’s better that they learn early on that they are loved not because they are special (or because they have some special magical powers), but just because they are. From there, it’s my responsibility to teach them that the great things in life don’t come easily. If they want to reach their fullest potential, it’s not going to happen because they are special, but because they dig in, grab the bull by the horns, and take on the adventure of life, enabled by the support of family and friends.

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