Humans are not inherently monogamous
November 23, 2010 | Filed Under Micah
I hear this all the time: “humans are not inherently monogamous” or “humans are not naturally monogamous” – usually spoken as if some grand social lie is being uncovered.
I used to agree with these statements. Now my view is more complex.
I think human beings are multi-functional. We have multiple, somewhat competing, sexual instincts that allow our species to thrive in a variety of different contexts – times of plenty and times of scarcity. We have built-in monogamous drives. But we also have built-in polygamous drives (men) and hypergamous drives (women).
When people say “humans are not inherently monogamous” what they are really saying is this: “100% exclusive monogamy doesn’t happen with certainty.” And what they are observing is what we all observe: that given enough resources and the right social context and the right opportunities, many if not most people will choose not to be exclusively monogamous for decades on end.
But there is also a sense in which humans are inherently monogamous. Short term monogamy (1-12 months), for example, is a strong instinct. The intense chemical bonds involved in romance help ensure this. Even in an ultra-sexualized high school culture you still see couples clinging to each other exclusively, instinctually. Even mid-range monogamy of 3-5 years (enough time to raise the kids past toddler hood) is a very common and biologically ingrained practice.
What most people mean when they say that human beings are not inherently monogamous is that human beings do not have strong biological mechanisms to lock them into life-long monogamous relationships. The intense glow of being in love always does fade. And we are always going to feel attraction for other people, even when we’re in healthy, committed relationships.
So sure, it’s true that human beings are not naturally constituted to sustain long-term, life-long monogamous relationships without effort (in this sense monogamy is not like breathing or digestion). But this is not to say that the foundational mechanisms are not there for the actualization of life-long monogamous relationships if two people choose to care about each other, commit to each other and work towards a life long partnership.
In other words, monogamy is not guaranteed by our biology, but it’s certainly made possible.
Related posts:
- The Monogamy Question
- Are women more monogamous (less promiscuous) than men?
- Hot Monogamy
- The Benefits of Trusting Love
- Why women are more likely to cheat than men
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2 Responses to “Humans are not inherently monogamous”
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It makes little sense that it takes 18 years to raise a child to “adulthood” that humans wouldn’t have long term primary relationships.
Monogamy is a sexual strategy that does for the most part work for a couple and a society in terms of establishing quality young to seed a future generation.
It’s just always tempting to get a little extra somewhere else.
Athol, as always, there are different levels at which we can analyze this. What you say is correct. However, I wonder if this “discovery” of longer-term monogamy was made during the formative years of our species evolution, or whether it’s something that’s been discovered at the cultural level.
Main point is: even at the level of raw biology, the seeds of monogamy are present. So in a sense it is more correct to say that monogamy is inherent, but not exclusive monogamy. The phrase you use is apt: primary relationships.
You and I would agree on this point: the temptation and common actualization of getting a little extra somewhere else does not nullify the inherent presence of monogamy in our species.