On Being Male

October 11, 2009 | Filed Under Small Talk 

I think that any objective observer of history will agree with the following point:   there has never been a time in history when being a human male has been more confusing.

What do I mean in making this statement?  Well, for starters, I mean that in today’s West, there are no core principles, no clear models of what is required of an adult man.  There is no commonly agreed upon answer to the question:  What makes a man?

Ok.  So you might be asking why does it matter?  Humans have freed themselves from the tyranny of cultural expectations and social roles and are now able to self-define.

Not so fast.  As human beings, our natural constitution requires that we learn behaviors.   We become who we are through a mimic/model rule set.

Problem is, for many of us, the primary set of exemplars from whom we draw our experiences are fictional characters on television or in movies.  Quite frankly, as men, we are now primarily trained to be the hapless pansies we see on television (think Michael Scott, Homer, Al Bundy, George Costanza).

In other words, there is no longer a clear social role for the male, other than the pathetic couch potato who watches football all weekend and who we all enjoy laughing at on sitcoms.  When you think “male” in today’s West, which words come to mind?      Lazy.  Corrupt.  Womanizer.  Deadbeat.  Irresponsible.  Abuser.  Raper.

Pathetic.

The problem with not having a fairly well defined social understanding of what it is to be male is that human happiness and well being, in my view, is conditional on the following three things:

A) knowing what has to be done

B) knowing how to do it

C) getting it done, well.

If males are born into our world without a clear roadmap for A) then they clearly can’t have B) and if they get C) then it was because they got lucky (i.e. it was a rare event which, quantified over the entire population, was unlikely).

If males in our society don’t have solid, consistent exemplars for how to be a man, then more often then not, they are going to be unhappy (if I’m right about what is required for deep human happiness).

What to do?

In a pluralistic society, it is very hard to develop a consistent message.   Especially when there are many different visions for what it means to be a man.   In our society, there are business men, stay at home dads, straight men, gay men, married men, single men, military men, farmers, priests and everything in between.   How do you define a consistent set of principles that males can strive for in such a world?

I honestly don’t know.  But I was pleasantly surprised when I read this post titled Toward a core set of principles for men.  It’s a brave attempt to get the task started.   The author defines a set of virtues that men should strive for, and I think that all of them are worthwhile.   None of them exclusive to a certain lifestyle.

Since the author asks for “thoughts and ideas of other men” here goes:

* physical strength – a commitment to building physical strength, remaining physically active and eating well.  Doing so will contribute to other virtues like mental strength, self-reliance, and the responsibility one has for others.

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