10 Different Ways People Perceive Sex
April 13, 2011 | Filed Under Small Talk
Sex is a glorious thing. One of the most wonderful things in all the Universe. Just like wine and grass, it is something that our hearts should be thankful for. A gift from God.
Sex can also be terrible. Not only does it cause heartbreak but it’s been known to result in revenge murders, destroyed careers, diseases, addiction, abuse, etc.
Sex is interesting because it has so many angles. And everyone sees it in a slightly different way. It can also come with significant consequences (physical and mental).
In this article I’m going to explore ten different ways that people think about sex (I’m sure there are more). The one obvious point I’ll leave out, because it’s common to them all, is the idea of sex as pleasure.
Many of these ideas overlap, but each gets at a unique aspect of the ways in which people come at sex. And many of the confusions about sex, I think, come about because different people put more or less emphasis on one or more of these different aspects of sex. I’m not endorsing any of these views, only describing what I see in the world. It’s the science of life.
1. Sex as Play
Human beings are animals, everyone agrees on this. Some believe we are fully animal. Others, believe we are animals plus something divine. Nonetheless, we have animal needs. And as mammals, one of our primary needs is play. Adults in the career-obsessed West rarely get a chance to play (even in poverty stricken Guatemala, after a hard day’s work, the men would gather for a game of soccer). Sex is one of those few safe places left for uninhibited, creative, adult play.
2. Sex as the Expression of Love
This may be the most popular view of sex today. It is the idea that sex flows from love. So wherever two people cherish/value each other, sex should happen naturally and spontaneously.
3. Sex as the Expression of Attraction and Desire
This is where you meet someone at a party, feel attracted, go home together and have sex. It’s also the source of the very common anonymous stranger fantasy (people want to be desired to the point of being irresistible). This way of perceiving sex says that the only thing necessary for sex is attraction/desire. There doesn’t have to be any history, commitment, love. It is the type of sex that simply emerges from a “vibe” or “energy” that two people feel in each other’s presence.
4. Sex as an Expression of Value
Sex can make a person feel valued. It can also make a person feel shame because of social rules and social expectations. Human beings subconsciously weigh out the cost/benefit of sex in terms net effect on perceived value (weighing against other factors of course, like fun, pleasure, and effect on relationship).
5. Sex as the Expression of Power
Sex can be a display of power. For some, sex offers the choice to reverse normal everyday roles via power related fantasy. This is why you’ll find high powered attorneys and government officials opting for submissive roles. On the darker side of sex, you have the presence of real-life power struggle which manifests in uglythings like manipulation, control, violence and revenge.
6. Sex as the Sustainer of Love
Over the last decade, there has been a lot of scientific evidence that frequent sex helps maintain the bonds of long-term relationships. People in long term relationships who have frequent sex (2-3x per week minimum) tend to have healthier relationships that last longer. In this sense, some suggest that frequent sex is necessary to sustain long term love.
7. Sex as Trust & Commitment
For many, sex is a way of communicating trust and commitment. Often unstated, some people interpret sex as an implicit contract that entails things like exclusivity, or agreed upon secretiveness or the intention to invest further into the relationship.
8. Sex as Procreation
The main biological function of sex is to bring forth the next generation (bet ya didn’t know that did ya?). Most sex these days is not done with the intention to procreate, and some procreation gets done without sex (i.e. in vitro fertilization). Under some moral systems, the biological function is always to be the central function. And sex without the possibility of procreation (i.e. contraception) is forbidden.
9. Sex as an Animal Instinct
As animals, human beings have primal sex drives that long to be satisfied. This instinct is what helps the species perpetuate itself so successfully. The animal instinct is to have sex without thinking about it. Pure physicality. Pure impulse. Hard and fast and without hesitation.
10. Sex as Letting Go / Taking A Risk
In a world full of rules and laws, sex offers a chance to let go, give in, unwind, throw caution to the wind. It can also provide an outlet for letting go of everyday worries and fears.
Bonus:
Sex as Exercise
All the science suggests that sex offers many physiological benefits. In addition to the amazing way sex makes you feel, it also serves to reduce stress and under some circumstances is a full-on strength and cardio workout. For all the primal/paleo buffs – sex is as primal is it gets.
Related posts:
- People you’d like to be thankful for…
- Things That Cause Other People Pain
- People I Admire – Epictetus
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