March 5, 2012 | Filed Under Tips
Stop being used. Don’t keep giving without getting something fair in return (this principle is like all others… it doesn’t apply to your mother on her deathbed).
There’s a sense in which we all use each other. And if all is fair, there’s nothing wrong with using each other. I use the restaurant cook to prepare my meal. He uses some of the money I give to the restaurant to pay his mortgage. And hopefully we’re both the better off for the transaction.
However, we all know of the cases where we are feeling genuinely used. It’s something in the gut. Something just doesn’t feel right.
When I feel negative about a social relationship, I nip it in the bud by stepping back, calming myself, considering why I felt the way I did, and then asking myself what I can do to fix the situation. Not what the other person can do. 9 times out of 10, the best policy is to simply stop engaging the other person (this is especially true in business where you stop giving the other person your business). A business partner tries to take advantage of you… you cut your ties.
Same goes for relationships (friendships or romantic): if a person consistently treats you poorly, consistently undermines you, consistently takes advantage of you… you have to muster up the courage to cut ties. To move on and spend your time with people who appreciate you. I’m not saying you don’t give people 2nd chances. Not at all. But you definitely don’t give them 10th and 20th chances.