Blackberry and Coconut Milk Green Smoothie
January 26, 2012 | Filed Under Health | Leave a Comment
So lately in an attempt to get more vegetables into my system, I’ve been making this awesome green shake that includes:
1 can of coconut milk
1-2 cups of spinach
A bunch of frozen blackberries
Variations:
- Add some whey protein powder
- Add a spoonful of sugar
- Add some honey
Macadamia Nuts & Dark Chocolate
January 23, 2012 | Filed Under Health | Leave a Comment
I love creating new taste sensations. And lately I’ve been popping a few buttery macadamia nuts into my mouth followed by some 85% dark chocolate. Too good for my own good. But the good news is that it’s really hard to over indulge on these healthy treats.
Self-individuate
January 23, 2012 | Filed Under Relationships | Leave a Comment
One of the great things about a relationship is the opportunity to share life together with another person that you value. But many people mistakenly allow their relationships to become too wound-up. Too co-dependent. Too stifling. Too possessive.
Obviously, when you are in a relationship, you want to enjoy all the pleasures that a relationship affords that you can’t have as a single guy (i.e a history of adventures, shared goals, nightly massages and hopefully lots of wild sex;). So don’t live *as if* you are single. It’s a bad sign if the two of you have completely separate existences.
There’s a middle road. You can share life together without sharing all of life together.
Basic rule: you don’t want to be joined at the hip. You MUST allow each other the freedom to have separate interests and separate time and separate friends, in addition to the life you share together.
Here are some tips for self-individuation (for guys it mostly comes down to not letting your partner become your mom):
1. Learn how to cook
2. Shop for yourself.
3. Take pride in how you look.
4. Keep your space clean
5. Have a guys night out
6. Play recreational sports
7. Work out, keep your body fit
8. Maintain your ability to interact/flirt with other women (50% of the guys who get married find themselves needing that skill down the road)
Fatally Unattractive
January 22, 2012 | Filed Under Relationships | Leave a Comment
- Guys who say “I don’t know, what do you want to do?”
- Guys who always walk behind their partner
- Guys who let other people order for them
- Guys who say “What are you getting?” and then order the same thing
- Guys who are constantly initiating PDA (needy)
- Guys who put things off until later
Fix: Self-individuate. Take command. Do your own thing. Let her come along for the ride.
It’s All About Attraction
January 22, 2012 | Filed Under Relationships | Leave a Comment
You may be an idealist about love and have all these expectations about what it should be like. And you may see love failing all over the place and think you can beat the odds… because, well, you are special. You’re wrong. There are good reasons for the cycles of love and relationships. And most of them have to do with natural cycles of attraction.
Let’s keep it simple. The kind of love that everyone is after is the kind that provides two things: 1) excitement/pleasure and 2) reliability/safety/comfort.
When people lock-in to a relationship (for the reliability), they also want the excitement to continue but they make the fatal mistake of assuming that their relationship is somehow specially endowed with a self-sustaining, invincible force field… it was meant to last … so they go into cruise control. But cruise control always, always, always, ends up with the car crashed into some tree or electric pole or some other obstacle (maybe the random, big, fat cow that slipped through the fence looking for greener grass). Sometimes it’s a fatal crash.
There is only one thing that you need to do once you’re in a relationship: work on staying attractive. Think of it like a hobby. Keep yourself in shape. Be passionate about something. Dress well. Groom well. Make decisions (i.e. “Hey, let’s go out tonight” maybe on a random Tuesday).
By working to stay attractive, you’re not only investing in the current relationship, but you’re insuring yourself against things that are outside of your control (i.e. finding yourself single at the age of 40, like my favorite comedian Louis CK).
Some Random Relationship Tips
January 22, 2012 | Filed Under Relationships | Leave a Comment
- Your girlfriend should not be the person you go to when you need to vent.
- Don’t expect your girlfriend to be your mom
- Sickness is not attractive. Even less if you’re whining about it.
- Don’t broadcast your weaknesses.
- Restrained vulnerability is ok (show that you have a heart). But frequent vulnerability diminishes you.
- Don’t seek sympathy from your girlfriend.
- Don’t play the victim (displays weakness)
- Don’t complain incessantly around her
- Don’t appear out of control
- Don’t suffocate with attention or expectations
- Pace things out.
- Feel out the natural, healthy rhythm of the relationship, and let it ebb and flow
- Maintain individual interests
- Aim for an “80% my life”, “20% her” division of thought and time and effort
- Sometimes it’s better to just not say anything
- Wait for her to initiate contact at least 50% of the time, preferably more
Most of these tips boil down to these principles:
1. Don’t try to meet all of your needs in one person.
2. Let other people in your life who love you unconditionally (and less based on attraction) provide you comfort
3. You’re number one task in a romantic relationship is to remain attractive, so it’s important to learn what’s not attractive or appropriate within such a relationship.
On the dangers of moralizing
January 22, 2012 | Filed Under Laughter | Leave a Comment
So there have been prohibition movements against coffee?!?! Mind boggling.
Why have so many people throughout history gained a feeling of purpose by forcing their personal moral structure onto their neighbors, often fighting against the simple joys of life?
Why do so many people have trouble believing in evolution?
January 19, 2012 | Filed Under Science | Leave a Comment
So I read this article by Marcelo Gleiser (a professor at Dartmouth no less) entitled Why do so many people have trouble believing in evolution? and was disappointed that the guy was lazy and didn’t really try to answer the question. Because it is a fascinating question. Truly fascinating. And truly worth some good, non-polemical scholarship.
I would suggest that the reason most people have trouble believing in evolution comes down to a cluster set of reasons such as these:
1. People value their sense of self-worth, and perceive evolution as an attack on their self-worth (I’m not saying it should, just that they perceive it this way)
2. Science popularizers can come off as real arrogant elitist assholes sometimes
3. The authority of science has been overused in marketing and corporate america to swindle people, so it carries less street cred
4. Most people hear about evolution through the testimony of textbooks, professors, experts (i.e. most people never directly perceive it or evidence for it)
5. A lot of people believe that their life can have no purpose unless there is a God (I do not agree with this, but I observe it)
6. Many people believe that evolution sets the stage for complete moral decadence
The list can go on. But the fact is: since we can’t perceive evolution in real time, it is not an experiential belief that lodges into our hearts. It is the sort of belief that people don’t really “feel” directly. It doesn’t impact our daily lives in market-force type ways. And in this culture it has really become a very tribalistic sort of belief as evidence by the article mentioned above (either you are with us or you against us) so people are more prone to apply Pascal’s Wager type logic and throw their lots in with the view of reality that they find the most attractive (the one with a God and a sense of purpose).
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On a personal note, I tend to believe in most aspects of evolution (especially the kind we can observe in laboratories as bacteria mutate and adapt), but I do not believe that we really understand the mechanisms all that well. I am more of an evolution agnostic – recognizing that the emergence of life and it’s subsequent development remain more mysterious than known. And I’d like scientists to explore these questions free of tribalistic dogma (and I’m sure many do, we just hear about them a lot less frequently).
And the question I’d like answered: Why do so many science popularizers equivocate between evolution and the origin of life (abiogenesis)? Is it intentional? Or just one of those slips?
Natural Eating – The only diet you need
January 19, 2012 | Filed Under Health | Leave a Comment
I have come to the conclusion that there are multiple ways to eat in a healthy way, but that the major obstacle to each of these methods is our dependence on convenience.
The common theme to healthy eating is the idea of natural eating. Eating things that require very little processing. Things that our ancestors could have eaten thousands of years ago.
Vegetables, Meat, Fowl, Fish, Nuts, Seeds, Fruits.
The major groups of healthy eaters these days, in my mind are: Paleo/Primal, Vegetarian, Vegan.
What they all share in common is an emphasis on natural, unprocessed foods. However, practitioners of these eating systems tend to cheat for the sake of convenience.
Paleo/Primal people rely too much on meat and nuts and don’t get enough veggies.
Vegetarians rely too heavily on grains, soy and legumes. And fruit.
Vegans struggle to get enough calories and to compensate rely too heavily on grains, legumes, nuts and seeds.
I’m a strong believer in the Paleo/Primal way of eating because I think it is the only system that is available to the average man. Meat satiates and satisfies and keeps people from the never ending cycle of insulin spikes and empty carb addiction. However, to be truly natural, those who eat Paleo/Primal should be intentional about eating waaaaayyyyy more veggies than otherwise. Don’t just eat eggs and bacon for breakfast. Eat eggs, spinach and bacon. Don’t just have fish for lunch. Have fish with a salad. You get the point.
The biggest challenge to natural eating is getting enough vegetables. So most of your energy should be focused on beating this challenge.
Don’t divert your eyes
January 16, 2012 | Filed Under Relationships | Leave a Comment
I’ll always insist that the number one issue that most guys face with women is that they have the wrong phase frame. You want to be the one phasing her and not the other way around.
Being phased happens in a number of ways, both consciously and sub-consciously. Rather than focus on the conscious aspects today I’ll focus on the sub-conscious.
Next time you’re walking down the street, pay attention to your natural biological reactions to various people. Old people. Business people. Fat people. Skinny people. Ultra-attractive people. Just take note. Be aware of the different ways your body reacts.
Now, it is very common for guys to experience the following when they see a woman they are attracted to:
- quickening heart beat
- increased walking speed (and irregular steps)
- heightened awareness
- diversion of eyes
- possibly a second look
These are all physiological reactions. Even the second look is normally a very primitive behavior. However, all of these physiological reactions are disadvantageous in the current social environment.
The good news is that you can practice gaining control over these things. Here are some tips for doing that:
1. Slow your breathing down (and your walking … you’re not in a rush)
Calmness is very attractive. A slower breath leads to less anxiety and less outwardly expressed nervousness. And by removing any awkward, jittery movement that comes from the heightened awareness, you’ll stand out as being unphaseable.
2. Smile confidently
You’re in control of the situation and everything’s cool.
3. Look at her knowingly
Assume that she’s attracted to you and look at her as if you know she is.
4. Don’t divert your eyes down
Let her do that. But don’t flinch. Beware: it could get awkward. Just maintain that calm, knowing smile (as if you are king), keep looking at her for 2-3 seconds, and then if you need to, slowly, calmly, divert your eyes to the right or left (not down) while maintaining the smile or even magnifying it a bit. But preferably you just walk through keeping your eyes looking forward.
[I have another tip on this topic but I'd rather not make it public so feel free to contact me using the contact form on my site if you'd like to know more].
At the end of the day, gaining control over your own state of being is one of the keys to attraction. Practice being calm and in control. Minimize the negative physiological effects of an attractive woman, and she will likely become intrigued.
